Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
