yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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