I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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