remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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