last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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