So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
