I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
