he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
