I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
