First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
