Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
