Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
