Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
