im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
