THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
