the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You may now shotgun with the bride
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
