At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
