allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't turn off my feet"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
