Well douche your snatch and let's go!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize