I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You were trust falling into bushes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
