Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
