My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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