The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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