Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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