My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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