I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
