My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
