I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
