Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
