Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
