I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
