I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
