note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
