my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
