i permit you to call me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
