if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like death gave me a hand job
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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