RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was a blind-side dick pic.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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