Screwed.edu
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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