What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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