Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
