3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sobbing to NWA
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
