I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
