is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
where are my eyebrows?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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