I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
