I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I still have a little drunk in my system
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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