Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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