You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
