Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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