i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
