It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
