the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize