we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
