Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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