The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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