So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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