So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
