I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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