i wish my penis had a tongue
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
