Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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