I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
