It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
