you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize