Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
