i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My life is pants optional.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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