i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
