Your mouth is God's brothel.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
