Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
