It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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