I wish I only lived at night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
