: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
