That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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