i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
