I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
