Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
