dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
