if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
love makes seman taste better
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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