i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
