I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
