what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
