and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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