Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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